Frank

I can exclusively reveal the behind-the-scenes manouevres currently under way to gain a place on that that prestigious judging panel. Kenny Mac is making a big play to be the Joansins' answer to Simon Cowell due to striking similarities in dress sense - he wears his trousers pulled right up to his armpits as well! Kenny also says many people have said he looks like Simon's double - aye right Kenny, Simple Simon mibbies Our ex-cycling superstar, Stevie Blom, has thrown his hat into the ring. Ever the modest one, Stevie compares himself to Piers Morgan citing his new "sophisticated lifestyle, innat". He must be mixing with the Balmoral mob I think. Either that or he's fallen off the bike and landed on his heid again! Lastly, the selection committee feel that the feminine viewpoint should be catered for and candidates for the Amanda Holden role include Vicky Begg and Colin Howard. Vicky is an obvious candidate because as the Blomster so eloquently puts it, "she's a classy burd, innat" but Colin is worth an outside bet due to his permatan legs and natty line in co-ordinated cycling accessories. Tough call. Of course this could and probably will, all change. Frank

I'll be there. Frank

I've been asked to give an update on the contenders for this year's Hammock Prize so I've listed the main offenders in order of their position in the betting. Evens Favourite - Darryl "The Wheel" Gunnson. There isn't much he doesn't know about punctures - apart from how to avoid them it seems. 2/1 - Jim "Heinz" Daly. Our defending champion. There are 57 ways to press the self-destruct button on a race day and Jim is working his way through them! 3/1 - Kenny "The Collector" Steele. How many bikes do you need not to compete in club events??? 4/1 - Alan "Small Ads" McLean. Love me, love my fishtank! 5/1 - Kenny "Coolio" Christie. Who else co-ordinates the colour of Oakleys with overshoes -especially when they're fluorescent green! So there you have the form men. No doubt things will change as the season progresses and the list will be updated. Feel free to add to the nominations! Frank

Hi Kenny, I quite fancy doing this so pencil me in please. Frank

Another cracking night on the Gateside circuit. Good turnout with 2 groups being the order of the day. The first group consisting of Kenny Mac, Ian Lochran, Ian McGinty, Greg, Duncan and Stuart started off at a fast pace and whilst they built a lead the second group of myself, Darryl, Paul, Ramsay and James discussed tactics. For some reason James' suggestion (fully supported by me) that the testers should loiter at the back of the group didn't go down well with the others and whilst we debated the obvious advantages to some of us, we charged off 4 minutes later in hot pursuit of the bunch ahead. It wasn't long before our pace picked up and the through and through tactic had me panting like a rabid dog . James and me were shelled out the back before we'd completed half the distance and it was left to the 3 amigos to chase down the wringers, sorry riders at the front. I didn't see the finish but I was told when I finished a few hours later that the first group were caught just before the climb to the finish and that big Ramsay opened his legs and showed his class by riding away from Darryl , Paul and the rest of the pack to cruise over the line. Well done big man Super night and congratulations to all that took part. Apologies if I've missed anyone from the role call but if I have, it's an age thing. Sorry. Frank

No problem Ramsay. I'll do the ride on the 2nd and volunteer to timekeep on the 9th. Frank

I'll be there. Intend to cycle over so should be at bottom of Bowfield around quarter past six if anyone wants a bit of company. Frank

I can timekeep if required. Frank

Check out that dinnerplate sized chainring! Frank

I'll be at clubrooms for 09:30. Frank

Sounds good Darryl. Frank

Guys, Just wanted to confirm that next APR ride is at Gateside on the restricted time trial course, unless I've got it wrong. Is anyone riding over to the course? Frank

How do you enter this? Frank

Myself, Chung, David, Mike, Campbell, Jim, Kenny C, Bill and John joined Dennis for a "no-hills" 70 miler around the coast. Don't know the name of the roads we took but Jim kept us right and it wasn't long we were enjoying a leisurely cafe stop in Largs before setting off once again on the coastal route to Gourock and home. Great day with decent weather and good company. Frank PS: Apologies if I've missed anyone out!

I'll be there! Frank

This is a cracking run. It'd be good to see a decent turnout from the Joansin so for anyone's thinking about it, I'd urge you to give it a go. You won't be disappointed. Count me in. Frank

Fantastic result Iain. And best of luck to all in the national 10. C'mon the Joansin! Frank

Nice one Jim! Frank

Is it too late to order a pair of lycra overshoes? Frank

Kenny, I'll take armwarmers and legwarmers but I could do with some info on sizing. Frank

Think it's 3 laps Janza. I hope to be there if I get back from Edinburgh in time. Frank

I intend to ride over to the Hall. Anyone else want to meet at the clubrooms and if so, what time suits? Frank

I'll be there. Frank

Well I checked the Garmin again and it definitely registered 4511ft of climbing. Distance covered was 47.52mls with average speed of 13.93mph and top speed 38.9mph. Either we did more climbing than we thought or my Garmin's had a senior moment Anyway, good day out. And apologies to John for forgetting about him. Especially after all the dogfang chat Frank

Fantastic result guys. The future is looking good for the Joansin! Kenny - any chance of starting a Veterans' Development Squad?? Frank