Hi people,
the title of my post might have set alarm bells ringing. Sorry for that.
So.... I’ve not been well for the past 3-4 years. Up & down. Making bad choices then punishing myself for it. Caught in a loop. Eventually went to get help.
Basically l, I had a really bad experience when I was young that I hidaway from.Denied it happened. Beat myself up for it.
Eventually, I sought help. I was referred to a councillor and a CBT therapist. I won’t lie, having to discuss my issues and experiences was brutal.
Why am I telling you this? Because if I hadn’t I probably wouldn’t be here.
Things got so bad that, what I thought was my salvation, “cycling” became toxic. Watching my weight, training, trying to keep up &, as life unravelled, being dropped was very crushing. I saw cycling as being my validation but it became a pressure & a stressor.
Thanks to mental health professionals & some very good friends in the club who have given me council, I’m on the mend. Thanks, guys.
I’m still cycling but for now I’m just going out when I feel like it. I’m also eating like a horse with no qualms or worries about “racing weight” I never raced much anyway!
Why am I posting this? We live in a society that is so driven by aspiration and the need to “get on” and compete. I’ve come to the conclusion that after my experiences I’m just lucky to be here. I’m quite proud to be alive.
So my message is- if you are struggling, don’t be ashamed to seek help and if you think a friend is struggling don’t shy away from asking if they are ok.
you just might savesomeone’s life.
If you are struggling and looking for help, message me. I might not have the answers but I can signpost you to people who can help you.
It’s ok not to be ok!